I find your model compelling. I definitely feel like the impact of screens on mental health is overstated. Anecdotes obviously make for inferior data, but my parents were very strict with my TV/computer and video game usage. I feel like that was detrimental to me socially because those limits set me outside of the monoculture. I wasn't a happy kid, and giving me more TV time wouldn't have changed that. The limits also caused issues because, as soon as I was on my own, I spent 90 percent of my time binge-watching TV and playing video games for a few years because those activities don't require work and do trigger lots of dopamine. Also, seeing all the other kids talk about the things they watched gave me the illusion that understanding everything in the social zeitgeist was the key to social success. Obviously, that isn't true. If I'd had fewer limits, I would have learned some valuable social lessons sooner. Yet, on the other hand, while I think the limits did nothing for my mental health, I came out of childhood with a direction and several useful skill sets because I had to fill my downtime with *something.*
As a parent, I've decided not to be so strict in terms of total screen time with my own kids, instead focusing on restricting the time of day (not right before sleep, not during meals) and the type, but I do wonder sometimes if allowing so much has harmed them. They still struggle to socialize and find their place, mostly because it's a rough world out there. I feel like screen use can be a crutch for fixing real problems in a person's life, but since the real problems are often society-wide and an individual is powerless to fix them, I'm not sure what I should be doing. In some ways, I feel like smartphone use is the new opiate for the masses. If other kids weren't inside on their TVs/Computers/Devices, my kids would have a better chance of being a part of a pack of friends roaming the neighborhood. If other adults weren't always on their phones, I'd have a better chance of finding a friend on the bus or wherever. But our neighborhood post-pandemic is a ghost town for adults and kids alike. We have third spaces, but no one uses them, because sitting at home on your phone is easier. I can't fix that. I'm glad my kids seem to gravitate to edu-tainment instead of say, unboxing videos, but it's still hardly an optimal use of their time. God knows, I fill myself with so much junk, it's hard to put regulations on them without being a hypocrite.
Your comment reminded me of a tweet from Adam Grant:
“If you want to predict kids' screen time, look to their parents.
Children spend less time on devices when their parents use them less often—and ban them at meals & bedtime.
Kids internalize the values they observe. A key to being a good role model is setting healthy boundaries.”
Expanding on that idea, growing up, my parents were concerned about me making friends. Ironically, they didn’t have adult friends themselves. They also didn’t have a healthy marriage. So as I made my way through life, I often felt like I was stumbling around in the dark when it came to both romantic and platonic relationships. I eventually realized that in the areas where I struggled most, I didn’t have good role models.
I have no ill will toward my parents. They had difficult upbringings themselves.
But it has made me wonder how much of the rules adults impose on young people for their own good is due to a failure of modeling.
I find your model compelling. I definitely feel like the impact of screens on mental health is overstated. Anecdotes obviously make for inferior data, but my parents were very strict with my TV/computer and video game usage. I feel like that was detrimental to me socially because those limits set me outside of the monoculture. I wasn't a happy kid, and giving me more TV time wouldn't have changed that. The limits also caused issues because, as soon as I was on my own, I spent 90 percent of my time binge-watching TV and playing video games for a few years because those activities don't require work and do trigger lots of dopamine. Also, seeing all the other kids talk about the things they watched gave me the illusion that understanding everything in the social zeitgeist was the key to social success. Obviously, that isn't true. If I'd had fewer limits, I would have learned some valuable social lessons sooner. Yet, on the other hand, while I think the limits did nothing for my mental health, I came out of childhood with a direction and several useful skill sets because I had to fill my downtime with *something.*
As a parent, I've decided not to be so strict in terms of total screen time with my own kids, instead focusing on restricting the time of day (not right before sleep, not during meals) and the type, but I do wonder sometimes if allowing so much has harmed them. They still struggle to socialize and find their place, mostly because it's a rough world out there. I feel like screen use can be a crutch for fixing real problems in a person's life, but since the real problems are often society-wide and an individual is powerless to fix them, I'm not sure what I should be doing. In some ways, I feel like smartphone use is the new opiate for the masses. If other kids weren't inside on their TVs/Computers/Devices, my kids would have a better chance of being a part of a pack of friends roaming the neighborhood. If other adults weren't always on their phones, I'd have a better chance of finding a friend on the bus or wherever. But our neighborhood post-pandemic is a ghost town for adults and kids alike. We have third spaces, but no one uses them, because sitting at home on your phone is easier. I can't fix that. I'm glad my kids seem to gravitate to edu-tainment instead of say, unboxing videos, but it's still hardly an optimal use of their time. God knows, I fill myself with so much junk, it's hard to put regulations on them without being a hypocrite.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment.
Your comment reminded me of a tweet from Adam Grant:
“If you want to predict kids' screen time, look to their parents.
Children spend less time on devices when their parents use them less often—and ban them at meals & bedtime.
Kids internalize the values they observe. A key to being a good role model is setting healthy boundaries.”
Expanding on that idea, growing up, my parents were concerned about me making friends. Ironically, they didn’t have adult friends themselves. They also didn’t have a healthy marriage. So as I made my way through life, I often felt like I was stumbling around in the dark when it came to both romantic and platonic relationships. I eventually realized that in the areas where I struggled most, I didn’t have good role models.
I have no ill will toward my parents. They had difficult upbringings themselves.
But it has made me wonder how much of the rules adults impose on young people for their own good is due to a failure of modeling.